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| Sexual orientation |
When it comes to sexual orientation, every person differs from the next. It's not solely about what you enjoy, but whom you fancy. Often—though not always—the other person's gender plays a distinct role. There is truly a wide range of sexual inclinations. The LIEBESLEBEN initiative offers you an overview of the subject, along with guidance on expressing your orientation and confronting discrimination.
What Do Sexual Orientation and Diversity Mean?
Whom do I find appealing? To which gender or genders do I feel drawn? Whom do I fall in love with? These are all inquiries where sexual orientation plays a part. Accordingly, there are numerous individual preferences, sensations, and desires within sexual orientation. For most individuals, it is also a significant component of their personality and sexual identity.
However, sexual orientation also carries significance concerning others. It is accompanied by assumptions, hopes, values, and sometimes even prejudices. That is why sexual orientation consistently possesses a personal and societal dimension—even though it fundamentally relies on individual feelings.
Gay, straight, bisexual… and many others
As diverse as feelings can be, the terms people use to describe their sexual orientation are also very varied. Here is a small selection:
Asexual: This term clarifies that you actually feel no sexual attraction—regardless of the other person's gender.
Bisexual: Bisexual persons feel drawn to both men and women.
Heterosexual: This refers to individuals attracted to the opposite gender.
Homosexual: This is the designation given to people who feel attraction toward people of their own gender. Other terms such as "gay" or "lesbian" can also be used.
If you are curious, interested, or “still undecided”: don't worry, you don't need to commit!
Pansexual: Pansexual individuals are attracted to other people, irrespective of the gender or genders they belong to.
Queer: This expresses that one rejects societal norms of heterosexuality and the gender binary, meaning confining gender to the categories of "man" or "woman," and does not consider these inherently important.
These are the most common terms to define sexual orientations because: Sexual orientation is as unique as every person themselves. This is why there are also people who do not wish to label themselves at all and reject any "tag" for themselves. That is perfectly fine too!
Gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, queer, pansexual, polysexual, asexual. As varied as individual preferences are, the terms describing different sexual orientations are exceedingly diverse. Even if you typically differentiate between straight, gay, and bisexual, there are countless variations: Some people, for example, describe themselves as not exclusively straight or gay, thus showing there are many possibilities regarding sexual orientation for them. Others define themselves as pansexual, expressing that they fall for people rather than a specific gender. Still others decide entirely that they are against belonging to any type of sexual orientation and do not want to be categorized in any box. All of this falls under sexual diversity.
Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity – What is the Difference?
Gender is diverse. The same applies to sexual orientation. However, these concern different matters: while sexual orientation points to the gender of those a person feels attraction toward, gender identity revolves around the question of whether the person identifies with their assigned gender and if they describe it adequately and sufficiently. Consequently, non-binary and transgender people can be lesbian, gay, pansexual, bisexual, or heterosexual just like cisgender people. Gender identity reveals nothing about sexual orientation.
"I fall for a personality—not a gender. And I don't want to commit to anything specific. Everything could happen in my life, and that's what makes it exciting to me." Milan, 20
Expressing Sexual Orientation – What is It About?
When expressing sexual orientation, you become aware of your orientation and convey it to others, for example, within the family, to parents, or within your circle of friends. This is a significant step, particularly in the lives of many gay, lesbian, pansexual, bisexual, and asexual individuals. Because it involves recognizing and embracing yourself.
It often takes months or even years to reach this point. This isn't bad, as expressing sexual orientation is always a highly personal choice—if you want to reveal your orientation to others. Do it the way that suits you and feels right!
Tips for Expressing Sexual Orientation
Every expression of sexual orientation differs from another. But there are several pointers that might assist you:
Positive experiences build confidence. It is best to first come out to someone who is certain to respond favorably.
Do you know what your counterpart generally thinks about gay, lesbian, and bisexual people? Try to gauge this so you can better estimate their reaction to your sexual orientation.
It might take some time for others to grasp and accept your orientation. Give them some time!
Do you wish to control who discovers your sexual orientation? Then initially disclose your orientation only to people you are sure won't pass on news about you to anyone else.
Especially when disclosing your orientation within the family, there should be ample time for discussion. So, consciously choose the setting and moment—preferably one that allows all involved parties to retreat and contemplate everything calmly.
Unfortunately, prejudice sometimes arises when expressing sexual orientation. It is helpful here to be prepared and know the context of such preconceptions.
A straight person = normal? A gay person = different?
Amidst mainstream life, some people assume they are the majority. But this becomes difficult when we examine things closely: for instance, left-handed people make up a minority in number—yet they are entirely normal. Similarly, perhaps heterosexuality is the most common orientation, but other orientations, like homosexuality or bisexuality, are also part of the social reality and normal life.
The fact that homosexuality, in particular, is often viewed as "different" is largely connected to social standards. These define what we consider normal and what we consider different. Fortunately, these standards are also changing! For example, although homosexuality was considered an illness or a crime for a long time, this is no longer the case today. For instance, any couple in Germany can marry—irrespective of their sexual orientation. Furthermore, so-called conversion "therapies" for adolescents are now prohibited in Germany. Almost our entire society agrees that a person is neither better nor worse, nor more important or less important, based on their sexual orientation.
Have you Experienced Discrimination?
Even if there are many different sexual orientations and all are equal, some people unfortunately refuse to accept this and cling to prejudices. They have often struggled with the subject themselves and simply assume everyone is like them.
But regardless of why some people don't accept sexual diversity, it can sometimes be tough for you to live as you are. External expectations occur, and sadly, explicit discrimination also happens. Try to free yourself from this, and when in doubt, seek professional help, for example, at a counseling center in your area. Advice is available through the LIEBESLEBEN initiative for you and supports you with your personal issues, including in various languages. Moreover, the counseling team can provide you with contact information for consulting centers in your vicinity that also offer services in different languages.
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