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| Learn the art of etiquette with your husband |
Existence devoid of a constitution and a set of respected and enforced regulations is a chaotic, backward, uncivilized life.
And a home founded on instincts will be ruined by them... A dwelling built on water will be submerged by it... A residence constructed in a flood path will be destroyed by the flood... And a family formed upon piety and obedience to God will not be uprooted by any wind, no matter how strong.
Learn the art of etiquette with your spouse.
Build your house upon solid ground; that is the advice of ancestors to their descendants.
How beautiful and wonderful is order within the family... the school... the factory, the mosque, and the street. And how ugly and dreadful is chaos in the home, the school, the club, and the public squares. Among the great duties that God Almighty entrusted to the prophets is: teaching people noble conduct. Some people refer to virtues and fine manners as etiquette. Whoever applies these guidelines is a person knowledgeable in etiquette and its principles. Whoever disregards these rules is called a person ignorant of etiquette and its skills.
Often, every person considers the feelings of a stranger to gain trust, respect, and appreciation.
We often pay little heed to how we treat someone dear to us who lives among us—like a life partner—and may hurt their feelings unintentionally (or sometimes intentionally) because we assume etiquette rules only apply when dealing with outsiders. Meanwhile, rudeness, harshness, and lack of courtesy are used with close relations.
Hence, every newly married couple must agree together on rules, written as a document or agreement, covering everything that enriches life and provides enjoyment within it, such as various activities, hobbies, reading, visits, reflections, and trips... etc. This is so each partner respects the other, makes them feel their worth, and lessens transgressions and mistreatment.
There should also be a suitable form of penalty or discipline for violations, such as being upset for only a day or two, apologizing to the offended party, paying a sum of money as reconciliation, or buying a reasonable gift... etc.
Afterward, both parties sign the document with full consent. New clauses may be added over time, and others removed, but the system remains in place, and respect continues.
Regarding moral principles:
Among the principles of good conduct urged by Islam and enlightened minds, which some call etiquette, are:
1. Before entering someone's room, we ask permission and knock.
2. Upon entering a home, room, or vehicle, we offer greetings.
3. When leaving a room, we ask those present: Do you need anything before I depart?
4. We do not read a letter, check, or paper that is not ours.
5. When borrowing a pen, book, or ruler, we return it to its place.
6. If we break or damage something, we purchase a replacement.
7. When moving or altering something belonging to our partner, we return it to its original position.
8. If one of us wrongs the other, they should apologize.
9. If one apologizes while being at fault, the other should accept the apology and refrain from excessive blaming.
10. Talk between us must be calm and respectful, free from insults.
11. We speak the truth even if it is bitter, but in a gentle, non-hurtful manner.
12. To someone needing counsel, we offer it with affection and without condescension.
13. When one of us is happy, the other should rejoice; and if one weeps, the second should grieve with them, weeping or feigning tears.
14. If a happy occasion arises for one of us, we all participate without excuse.
15. We respect and value each other's hobbies and praise them as if they were our own.
16. We do not meet one person's anger and impulsiveness with similar anger.
17. If one of us is unable to complete a task and needs help, we assist without delay.
18. There is no need to create issues or dig into the past lest pains and sorrows resurface.
19. Forgiveness and pardon when able are traits of the noble.
20. Let us divide the work between us, and each fulfills their part before demanding what is due to them.
21. We must not lie, no matter the situation or mistake, for lying is the root of all sins, and a liar will not enter paradise.
22. Neither partner should contradict the other when speaking publicly about a shared experience by omitting or adding details; instead, let them complete the account as they wish.
23. We do not steal, no matter the need for money.
24. Let each love for their spouse what they love for themselves and strive for their comfort as much as possible.
25. Patience in adversity is worship... and thanking God is always obligatory.
26. Prayer is the pillar of the faith, and trust in God is the basis of success and certainty.
27. Let each call their partner by a term of endearment they like, and let conversation and jesting, secretly or openly, not be overly formal.
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